Will the real Liberals please stand up?

Tony Abbott, in his world tour of far right, Christian lobby group speaking engagements, has never seemed more comfortable in his own skin. Free of the need to putty over the wide chasm between his personal beliefs and that of his party, Abbott is looking and sounding more confident than he has in years. Gone is the halting, repetitious speech patterns, designed to slow his mouth from uttering what’s really on his mind and activate instead the soulless three-word slogans. 

Abbott now is the Abbott that was always there lurking beneath the blue ties, the hair rinse and the more latent attempts to buffer away the sharp right edges of his political demeanor. He's become the unabashed poster boy for the conservative right of the Liberal Party which has Malcolm Turnbull on a very tight leash. “Don’t start carping on about the climate change crap again. Stay away from gay marriage and forget about cutting ties to the Mother Country,” say the chorus of this group, comprised of Eric Abetz, Corey Bernardi and Kevin Andrews. Abbott’s not using his demotion to the backbench to snidely undermine Turnbull – he’s out there openly articulating a call to arms to the disaffected in the electorate.

Malcolm Turnbull believes in free markets, free country (a republic) and free choice of an individual to marry whomever he/she pleases. He acknowledges climate change and like a true liberal, believes market forces can solve the problem. 

So who is ‘more Liberal’ – more representative of their party? The problem is, both are it seems, and it’s the fault line that threatens the future of the party. Turnbull appears to be much more aligned to Menzies’ “Liberal Creed”, articulated in 1964. “As the etymology of our name 'Liberal' indicates, we have stood for freedom... We have learned that the right answer is to set the individual free, to aim at equality of opportunity, to protect the individual against oppression…” 

How can you believe in small government, liberty and freedom of enterprise, but not of individuals or country, as the conservative right do? As PM, John Howard extrapolated Menzie’s vision to declare the party “…a broad church”. But it’s like putting pagans and devout Christians together under one roof – the building may resemble a church in structure, but the fundamental elements that make it a church – a place of worship for people of a singular faith – are missing. And someone’s sure to burn it down. 

In the US, Donald Trump is like the Pied Piper, merrily dancing through America’s white, middle class lands playing a tune that has proven surprisingly seductive to a growing majority. In droves they are falling in behind him, this man once dismissed as a joke, now seen as a messiah to the disaffected – the American Dreamers who feel they’re living a nightmare. 

As Abbott warmed up for his speech to the Alliance Defending Freedom group, it’s hard not to think this is all part of a calculated trajectory, one that is fuelled by the disaffected right of the party and stoked by powerful media and conservative right campaigners such as Rupert Murdoch, Alan Jones and others. Whether the end game is a new political party founded on the principles of the conservative right, or a mutiny of Turnbull’s progressive agenda (as has already begun with the gay marriage plebiscite) is yet to be seen. But something’s up. And given Labor is dead in the water, the time for a Liberal revolution may paradoxically be just right.

Turnbull needs to do some soul searching about what his policy mantle will be before this year’s election. Will he allow himself to be straight-jacketed and rendered facile by the far right? Or will he get the bit between his teeth, lead with policies that will deliver real economic and social change for our country, and stand on the platform of true liberalism that champions the freedom of individual, business and country? 

While he’s showed benign support of Abbott’s right to speak at such events like the ADF, Turnbull would do well to keep an eye on his predecessor’s extracurricular backbench activities. In his blatantly self-congratulatory speech during the Margaret Thatcher Lecture last year, Abbott may have hinted at his hitherto unthinkable resurrection. “The lesson of Margaret Thatcher's life is that strong leaders can make a difference; that what's impossible today may be almost inevitable tomorrow.” 

Diana Elliott is a freelance writer. 

When disruption hits politics

In Malcolm we trust. 

This week, Tony Abbott emerged from the surf to chat to his good buddy Ray Hadley about the events that led to his demise as Prime Minister.  Fair enough. The man should be allowed to lick his wounds. Despite the gasps, it was a relatively benign interview – Abbott clearly had learnt to ‘button it’ after that throwaway and nonsensical line about Scott Morrison last week.

But what’s fascinating is that Tony Abbott still doesn’t get it, nor do those who love quoting the ‘four PMs in five years’ phenomenon. It’s not polls or the media spinning that revolving door. It’s incompetence. Tony Abbott will be remembered as the best Opposition leader we’ve ever had. He was fierce. He took the other side. He opposed things – something he once said was an Opposition leader’s duty. It’s one of the reasons why he snatched the leadership from Malcolm Turnbull in 2009. Turnbull is a barrister by trade – used to knowing which battles to pick, and which to compromise. He wanted to support Rudd’s Emissions Trading Scheme. Many in his party didn’t. He fell on his sword being principled about it and lost by one vote.  Abbott was handed the leadership on the basis of opposing something, and it’s been his modus operandi since. Oppose the carbon tax. End the mining tax. Stop the boats. Every policy framed in the negative.

In the run up to the 2010 election, someone in Abbott’s camp sensed that this devastatingly effective stance in Opposition needed to be refined for the position of leadership. Cue the blue ties – indicating loyalty, stability, and an air of conservative refinement. Sleeves that had been rolled up were cuffed and clamped down. And the language and tone of Opposition – fervent, attacking, and scaling up and down the octaves - became muted and slow.  

Abbott, like the insecure bride who hands the prettiest bridesmaid the ugliest dress to wear, didn’t ever let Turnbull shine. He handed him the Communications portfolio – hardly a marquee slot, forcing the man he credited with ‘inventing the internet’ to reverse all those trucks delivering the rolled gold NBN. Turnbull’s critics love to point out that even the pared-back NBN solution is over-budget. But c’mon, have you ever known of an IT project that isn’t?

Abbott, in latent and overt ways, is a man frozen in time. In smoothing out the traits that made him powerful in Opposition, he became a wax-like imitation of a leader – more comfortable dealing in one-syllable, three word slogans than drawing on his privileged education to articulate an expansive vision. The world was divided into villains and heroes. Baddies and goodies. The grey rinsed out of his hair – symbolic of a man who refuses to acknowledge time’s passing.

In contrast, Malcolm Turnbull embodies much of what the new century demands in a leader. Someone who can engage in a conversation, not merely recite key messages ad nauseum, hoping the minutes tick down on a hostile interview before you make a gaff. Compare Turnbull's first interview as PM on ABC's 7.30 with Leigh Sales with Tony Abbott's last, which by any measure, was a disgrace of 'Death Cult' proportions. 

He’s relaxed. Optimistic. Aware of the upside, not just the downside of risk. Disruption is coming. We need a leader at the helm who isn’t frightened of what he sees on the horizon. Someone who can keep a cool head out on the deck, and sail with the winds of change, not a captain that dives underneath, battens down the hatches and waits for it to pass.

Abbott’s lack of insight into his own failings will hopefully recede with time. It’s like watching taxi drivers on the steps of Parliament bleating about the rise of Uber. Or hotel owners wanting to shut down AirBnB. Or Abbott’s continual claim that the changing climate wasn’t going to get in the way of managing the economy, even as every major company in the land is incorporating the impact of climate change into their business plans.

While Abbott blames the media and hypersensitivity to polls as the reasons for his ousting, it was his own inability to remove the straightjacket that he’d been stitched into that did it. Lacking ability to seize opportunities in the new economy. Clutching coal when Blind Freddy could see the world was moving – if not us – to cleaner forms of energy. An obsession with building roads when overburdened cities are crying out for more public transport. Abbott was a man intent on staying still, in spite of the whirling winds of change around him. It was unsustainable.

Politics is about public service, but to be an effective leader of the country, you need more. Abbott, larger than life in Opposition, was like a greyhound at the end of a race once he won the Prime Ministership. The lure was on longer in sight – giving him something, anything to chase – and he flailed. That’s what lost him the leadership. 

Diana Elliott.

Tony Abbott's Christmas letter

Tony Abbott: Before the egg nog kicked in

Dear [Insert name – MARGIE: Can you help me out here please? Just use last year’s list but cross off Alan, Ray, Karl and that Chris or whatever his bloody name is from Sunrise].

Well, another year – my first full one as Prime Minister of Australia – has passed. Like you, I’m very glad to see the back of it. We’ve had some good times this year. We’ve stopped reporting on the boats (onya Scottie!). We got rid of the carbon tax and the mining tax, which raised no money and no one cared about except Auntie Gina, who sure looked happy at our Easter function. I do love it when she smiles. [PETA, can you work your magic on that last sentence please? Want to convey arms-length affection but can’t think of the right phrasing!].

But really, it’s Jules who’s been the star of our family this year. Or should I say, Julie “Deathstare” Bishop! The kids have even taken to calling her JBish! I guess I’m too much of a ‘daggy Dad’ – or so I keep telling myself – for the kids to give me a cool moniker.

How about all those who reached for their calculators to tally up the gender split when I announced my cabinet, eh? “Only one woman!” they cried. And guess what, she’s the ace in my deck! The best performing woman all year! [PETA: of course except for you. I’m just spit balling here! Feel free to change!]. In fact, she's been so good, I’m DOUBLING the number of women in Cabinet next year. Take that haters! [PETA: I'm trying a bit of pop culture slang here - what do you think?!].

We’ve had quite a few challenges too, I’ll be honest. Poor Joe Hockey has probably had it toughest. In fact, I’ve never seen him so down. I’m thinking of putting one of my old road bikes on chocks and giving it to him for Christmas, because the other night I caught him tucking into a tub of Crème Caramel ice cream with Clive. And it wasn’t a good look, from any perspective.

Joe’s a good lad, he just needs a bit of time away from Mathias Cormann, who I think has become a bad influence. First there was the cigar smoking behind Parliament and then Mattias doing his Arnie impressions, when we’re trying to be the adults in the room! Christopher Pyne has had an awfully rough trot trying to get the young uni bludgers to bankroll their own education. But you know young Christopher! He won’t go down without dragging us all with him! Heh heh heh.  

Anyway, it’s a problem of PR, not policy. We’ve just got to get better at saying bad things, better. It was so much easier when I didn’t have to remember more than three words at a time. Peta’s got me trying this new ‘think-before-speaking-while-still-speaking’ style. So, what that essentially means, is that whilst, some might say…there are questions to answer…I’m not going to be drawn to answer them until I have had the opportunity, that is, the time to reflect, learn and recite verbatim, the key messages that have been approved for me to say.  It’s quite a neat trick! But I haven’t quite got the hang of it yet. I can also repeat a phrase if I get stuck. That is, I can repeat a phrase, repeat a phrase, and hope the minutes tick past so I don’t have to answer any more questions. Gives it more gravitas don’t you think?

Over Christmas, I’ll be spending time working out how we can get off on the right foot in 2015 and by right, I mean left. It’s why I’m thinking of shuffling Malcolm closer to the action (I know, I know, but the lefties love him). I have to hand it to the Silver Fox; he’s done an okay job with the shit sandwich I gave him. The look on his face when I gave the man I credited with inventing the internet the job of reversing all those Telstra trucks from the NBN-promised lands! But the little bugger just kept smiling! Sometimes I just want to shove his good-looking, Prime Ministerial, butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-his-mouth articulate, intelligent smooth talking face into a wall, you know?! [PETA: Please fix! Thought I was back at Uni and got carried away, lol!].

Anyway, we’re Libs, we love each other, no matter what. No knives in backs in our party room. If we have battles – and they’re only ever in the spirit of ideology – we battle with class, like Siamese fighting fish, not backyard bogan brawlers like that mob led by the face of the Faceless Men, Shorten!

So in that positive spirit of Christmas and my new government, I wish you and yours a very happy Christmas. Wherever this finds you, remember, if you’re one of us, you’ll always have a place on Team Australia. And if you’re not, we’ll tow, tow tow your boat, gently back to Indonesian waters! [MARGIE: Please use this or insert other Christmas carol here].

Tony "Your Captain" Abbott,  PM.

Diana Elliott.

Five things to do when you're on Work for the Dole

This week, the Federal Government released details of its expanded Work for the Dole scheme.  Under the proposal, Australians aged under 30 will be required to work 25 hours per week to receive their welfare payments. Those aged between 31 and 49 will have to work 15 hours and the over 50s can undertake an “approved activity” for 15 hours a week, which probably doesn’t include lawn bowls at the local RSL.

Employment Minister Eric Abetz has explained the policy and how a person might benefit from it in simple terms. Two job applications a day – one in the morning, one in the afternoon. Did you hear there’s a shortage of bricklayers in Melbourne? A spot of community work (averaging five hours a day) sandwiched in the middle. And voila! A young person has fulfilled their ‘mutual obligation’ for the dole cheque that they can access six months from now. In the meantime, there are a few constructive things they could be doing. Let’s walk through those options.

1. Volunteer to help small businesses sort and file rubbish job applications.

“The small business person might be having a lousy day and no customers are coming in, but she’ll be getting job-seekers,” said Peter Strong of the Council of Small Business Australia, nailing the problems confronting the SME sector. Job seeking is all about solving the employer’s problem, not yours. So forget pretending you’ve got barista skills and instead, tell the small business proprietor that you understand their frustration at having to read another bloody CV from a hopeless case while they’re standing around waiting for customers to walk in. Say you’ll take care of that for them. Then set up a booth beside the deli counter and practice saying, “Thank you. I’ll be sure to be in touch should a suitable position become available.” Make sure you have a baseball bat at the ready. Given the stampede expected by small businesses, that should take care of about four of your five daily hours of ‘work’ time.

2. Help a pollie get that book out of them. We know they’ve all got a trilogy in them (Aspiring Me, My Time As Leader, After They Ditched Me The Bastards). An unexamined life is not worth living and a career in politics is worth zip if you don’t write a book about it. But politicians are short on time, so why not offer to shadow one for a few months, take voluminous notes and show you can multitask by filing their Cabcharge receipts into neat bundles. “Wedding – Friend. Wedding – Attended only to spruik policies. Wedding – shitfaced, can’t remember whose it was.”

3. Get yourself a shovel and gardening gloves and take some Direct Action. Greg Hunt’s Direct Action climate policy involves planting 20 million trees to drink in the stinking rotten carbon coming out of the brown coal industry. So far, we haven’t seen so much as a seedling from this policy. But I think it’s fair to say, the greening of Australia will have to start soon, so watch a few episodes of Backyard Blitz and start practicing your speed-planting skills by snipping off a few Agapanthus stems from the neighbourhood and transplant them into pots. Take these into Centrelink as evidence of your transferable skills.

4. Hold up the cue cards for Bill Shorten. This isn’t as daunting as it seems. Just grab two pieces of cardboard – either side of the box you sleep in will do – and in big black texta, write “Inside voice” and on the other, “Ranty, union-days, indignant voice”.  Just make sure you hold up the right one at the right time. This will be a real confidence boost, because whoever’s doing the job now keeps stuffing them up.

5. Develop an App. Applying for jobs is so, like pre-GFC. Don’t wait for the government to create a whole new industry to replace the manufacturing, retail and green energy sectors they’ve decimated, get cracking on making your own! Start with low hanging fruit, such as an App modelled on pollie speak that will help you and your fellow job seekers respond to unwanted questions about your employment status. Pre-loaded with impenetrable scripts from expensive consultants, it could go something like this:

Q: Why have you been out of work for 4 years?

A: That’s an operational issue.

Q: Why are you interested in this position?

A: I’m not a Job Snob. 

Q: Can you describe your previous role? 

A: Yes. It was called, Operation Sovereign Bong Smoking Hour. It was necessary to protect the one hour a day I had for non-mutual-obligation activities from further incursions. 

              

There might not be any jobs, but there’s a lot of work to be done. So pull up your socks and get cracking.

Diana Elliott is a freelance writer.