Thursday, 25 October 2012

Tony Abbott: Don’t come the raw prawn with me

Tony Abbott keeping it real on THAT 7.30 Report. Ahem.

Another day, another dive into the trenches of language warfare for Tony Abbott.  The latest installment includes his musings on the relative expense of raising subsequent children, following the Government’s decision to prune the $5,000 baby bonus to $3,000 a pop for later offspring.
As Abbott explained to Andrew O’Keefe on Sunrise, the reduction is going to hurt working families.

“Andrew, the realities are that you need TWO of things!” said Tony. 

“We had two cots! A double stroller! When Margie [polls show it helps to personalise The Wife] and I had two daughters in 15 months, by gee, we needed all the money we could get to install that in-ground pool. You remember the one y’all saw us splashing about happily in before the last election? Yeah Andrew, heh heh, that’s it. Well, pools like that don’t come cheap and certainly not at a paltry 3,000 bucks a kid.
“If the government had some experience in this area, they’d...heh heh...not insist on making such glib comments and realise that the cost of living™ pressures don’t reduce just because you’re breeding like a Rabbott!
 “Please explain,” said Julia Gillard, channeling Pauline Hanson.
“Oh come on GUUUUYS!” pleaded Tones to the media pack. “Really, I mean let’s be frank here. I was simply referring to the fact that I’ve got three daughters and a wife™. If the government wants to take offence to that…if the PM wants me to apologise, well, ok I will. I’m sorry about that.”
Some journos weren’t convinced. “But Tones, you said, ‘If the government had some experience in this area…’. Wasn’t that an implicit dig at Julia’s lack of a child?”
“Oh AS IF!” replied Tony.
But, what did you mean by that then?
“I mean that I’ve got three daughters and a wife™. Did you see us splashing about the pool together? FFS, how much more of this do I have to cop? I LOVE women. My Chief of Staff is a woman. I’m married to a woman. My three daughters are all women! I watch Downtown Abbey! How could I possibly not value the contribution of women?
“Why doesn’t the Handbag Hit Squad™ stop hyperventilating ™ [hysterical women alert!!] and focus on doing the bloody iron- I mean, focus on policy creation!” he concluded, exasperated.
When I was child and tried to get away with things, my parents would address me sternly: “Don’t come the raw prawn with me.” It’s a saying that springs to mind every time I hear Tony Abbott’s increasingly incredulous explanations of his foot-in-mouth gaffes. This week it was the ‘experiential parenting’ issue and the one before that was his infamous ‘dying of shame’ comment, following hot on the heels of his good mate Alan Jones’ remarks about the PM’s late father. There have been many others, which Annabel Crabb has expertly and eloquently discussed today in her column.

All these entirely innocent, if unfortunately conceived, ramblings – from a Rhodes scholar?

Raw prawn, anyone?