Climate change: the disastrous consequences of political short-sightedness

This piece originally appeared online at SMH on 6 November 2013. 

Like John Howard, Liberty was frozen in time

On Tuesday, John Howard addressed a gathering of British climate change sceptics. He accused the United Nations' climate panel, the IPCC, of including “nakedly political agendas” in its advice and then explained his government proposed an emissions trading scheme in 2006 in the face of a political perfect storm on the issue. He also said “…the high tide of public support for over-zealous action on global warming has passed.” And on that score, he's right.

Lately, when I hear our politicians discussing the climate, I can't get the images from the otherwise largely forgettable The Day After Tomorrow out of my head. It's a movie that takes a few creative liberties in showing the devastation that happens when polar ice melts due to global warming. 

The unsalted water from the glacier dilutes the ocean, causing the climate to change rapidly. Weird stuff starts to happen, like helicopters freezing solid in mid-flight and a massive flood in New York where Jake Gyllehaal huddles in the library with his friends. And then Jake's dad (Dennis Quaid) – one of the scientists who is not being heard – rescues him and their estranged relationship and the storm passes and the world thaws and, we're like, phew, glad that's over. And we don't just mean the storm.

But the point of the movie was politicians put their shortsighted economic and political interests first, with disastrous consequences.

Howard's is just the latest example in a long list. Watching Tony Abbott bat away suggestions that climate change is contributing to the frequency and ferocity of bushfires with suggestions that the UN Climate Change Chief is “talking out of her hat” and it's all “complete hogwash” fills me with the same sense of foreboding I get watching those disaster movies. He merrily goes on, posing for a pic opp with a fire hose and razing the carbon price, the Climate Change Authority and the $10 billion Clean Energy Finance Corporation (CEFC).

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Interviewed recently on ABC's 7.30 program, Al Gore diplomatically avoided scoffing at the Coalition's plan, but reinforced the view that an emissions trading scheme, which drives change towards cleaner, more efficient energy sources is the preferred route. Gore, the mastermind of the most compelling PowerPoint presentation of all time in his documentary An Inconvenient Truth, believes people power is the only way to combat the obvious conflicts that exist between political and business interests and the climate. He likened it to the pressure brought upon politicians by cigarette companies trying to sully the link between smoking and lung cancer.

“I think the public has a role in this and has a voice to be heard,” said Gore. “In the US, we had Hurricane Sandy, which was devastating - US$60 billion in damages and it caused a dramatic change in the message the public was sending to politicians in both parties.” Is it going to take a disaster of that magnitude for Australians to stand up and be heard? I hope not.

A short four years ago, Australia was reeling from the Black Saturday bushfires, in which a record number of people lost their lives in a raging inferno that followed a two-month, unprecedented heat wave. In 2011, Queensland and Victoria were inundated with floods. Climate change seemed palpable. It was happening all around us and even as skeptics brushed them off as cyclical events, we shifted uneasily in our seats and wanted something to be done.

Now, Abbott, with his trademark appeal to our hip pockets and self-interest (“Electricity Bill” – haw haw haw! Good one Tones!) is trying to have us believe that as long as our light bills go down, the world will be a better place.

Abbott's Direct Action policy means he'll dish out a confusing goodie-bag of treats to polluters to help them change their dirty habits.That's like handing an alcoholic $50 and asking him to spend it on green leafy vegetables.

Hollywood end-of-days disaster movies often depict bureaucrats or other people with power making self-centred decisions, usually to further their own interests, throwing the lives of others into peril.

Unless Australians stand up and demand a real solution (not the Coalition's Real Solution) to climate change, we could all be archival fodder for future generations. In a world ravaged irrevocably by warming, they may watch a darkly comic moment in a movie where an Environment Minister trusts Wikipedia over scientists, and leave shaking their heads. “What idiots they were to not act when they had the chance…”

The Great Undebated: Rudd and Abbott on climate change

"You call that a slogan? I'll show you a &^%ing slogan."

Kevin Rudd was disappointed when Tony Abbott failed to show up for the debate he’d unilaterally called for at the Press Club recently. But fear not. The Observerant has managed to get its hands on the lost transcript of what would have been said, had it happened.

Moderator: Let’s start with each of you explaining your respective climate change policies.

Tony Abbott (TA): Yes, let’s talk about the Big Fat Carbon Tax™, Mr Rudd.

Kevin Rudd (KR): Gladly. And please, call me Kevin. The Royal Baby does, so too the President of-
TA: Just get on with it.
KR: Fine. I’ve made a decision to terminate the carbon tax and bring forward the move to an Emissions Trading Scheme.

TA: Why?

KR: Because I’m acting decisively. I'm consulting myself before I make any decisions and this is one of them. The Australian People deserve that.

TA: But what’s the point of ending the fixed price period, I mean - the Big Fat Carbon Tax™ - a year early?

KR: So I can relieve industry of some of the cost pressures, and deliver real outcomes for Working Families™ who are doing it tough.

TA: [shuffles papers]. You…just…stole my lines!

KR: Now that you raise your lines/slogans/empty words Tony, tell us, what’s your policy on the climate issue?

TA: The Coalition has a Real Solution. It’s outlined in my Real Solutions Plan.

KR: So what is it then?

TA: It’s a Direct Action Policy.

KR: [flicks through Real Solutions]. I can’t seem to find that in your Real Solutions Plan Tony.

TA: No, it’s not detailed there. You’ll have to Google it and find it on Greg Hunt’s website.

KR: So what is the plan then? 

TA: The Coalition is going to do the things that really work to reduce carbon emissions, so we can protect our planet for our children and our children’s children-

TA’s media advisor: Sorry Mr Abbott, I think I accidently got President Obama’s speech notes mingled with yours…

TA: Christ. Ok. Where was I? [Looks down at newly arrived pages]. Aaahh yes. I was talking about a so-called market in the non-delivery of an invisible substance to no one.

KR: What does that even mean Tony?

TA: It’s a sentence filled with double-negatives, with no mention of ‘no’.

KR: So what’s your PLAN?

TA: The carbon tax – the Big Fat Carbon Tax- will be gone under the Coalition.

KR: It’s gone now, Tony. I’ve already terminated it. [Gestures to young woman in audience] Oh, is that a smart phone in your pocket? 
Girl in audience: Ummm...
KR: Selllfiiiie time folks! Excuse us Tony...

TA: We don’t believe in an Emissions Trading Scheme either. THAT won’t happen under a Coalition government that I lead.

CROWD: [Chants]:  TURNBULL!  TURNBULL! TURNBULL! 

TA: We’re also going to plant trees – 20 million of them in fact – to soak up all the carbon being emitted by the dirty polluters. And we’ll establish an Emissions Reduction Fund to pay for farmers to store carbon in soil.

KR: How does that work?

TA: Look, I’m not…heh heh heh….purporting to be the world’s most informed person on this stuff – but look, it’s like the soil is a sink, and we can tip the carbon in there…

KR: So you’re not doing anything punitive to the big polluters? No need for them to buy permits to emit CO2? No cost pressure to change their dirty, stinking habits?

TA: That’s right. Industry needs incentives, not sticks. We’ve got to remember that there’s no climate without an economy. And looking around the world, our Direct Action Policy is consistent with what the other big Western economies are doing…

KR: Yes, well. Why wouldn’t Australia follow America and Europe? I mean, they did so well comparative to Australia in keeping their economies afloat during the GFC. Ha ha ha. I’d just like to remind the Australian People that when I was the PM – the first time-

AUDIENCE: [Groaning]. NOOOO! Don’t mention how you saved us from the bloody GFC again!

Moderator: So Kevin, you’re bringing forward the ETS, which means less cost to energy companies, which should reduce the price of electricity for households. So you’ll scrap the ‘carbon compensation’ package, right?

KR: Wrong.

TA: How do you justify compensating households when the carbon tax no longer exists?

KR: The same way you do, Tony. Suicide. Political. Get it? The folks at home, doing it tough, they need the Household Assistance Package to buy that extra plasma TV.

TA:  How will Labor pay for this?

KR: By terminating the automatic 20 per cent perk for FBT car use.

TA: You're making people fill out logbooks to count kms? 
KR: Yes, but-
Joe Hockey [interjecting]: 1998 called and wants its red tape dispenser back!

KR: Aaaah heeellloooo?? It’s 2013 Tony. They can download an App!

TA: You’ll devastate the car industry!

KR: It’s already devastated! [Clears throat]. Excuse me folks. Labor believes Australia is good at making things. We believe in our manufacturing sector. How are YOU going to pay for the carbon compo package?

TA: We’ll let the Australian People know that prior to the election.

KR: That’s now, Tony.  

TA: For f&^%s sake, just call the election date!

KR: Calm down you boxing Blue!

TA: Call the election date before I wring your Ruddy neck!

Rudd and Abbott descend into a wrestling match on the floor, pummelling each other with indistinguishable sound bites. 

Moderator: And that concludes the Climate Change debate. We hope you’ve gathered insights into the political and philosophical viewpoints of the major parties to help you make an informed decision at the election.

Bernie Brookes: Forget taxes, you need more staff

This article originally appeared online at The Age.

Bernie Brookes, Myer CEO. Lucky that's not a wheelchair.

Bernie Brookes, chief executive of Myer, has called it: DisabilityCare will divert millions from Myer’s coffers, because we’ll be coughing up extra at tax time for the levy to fund some of it. And as Bernie told the investor market, the loss of revenue from sales puts a big black mark in the ‘‘negative impact’’ column in next year’s forecasts.  

This of course prompted a militant and frenzied backlash, which caused Mr Brookes to declare DEFCON 1 as he watched the Myer share price start to blink red.

Cue apology and a declaration of support for the NDIS. He was just being ‘‘sensitive to imposts on the consumer by the government” and would like the funding to come out of existing revenue streams, rather than new taxes.

I must admit, my first thought when Julia Gillard announced the levy (“Less than a dollar a day on an average wage!”™) was “Damn it! There goes my Country Road turtleneck with the matching pants for $350!” I was comforted that Bernie and I were on the same page.

Myer seemed to be getting its profits back in the swing after a dismal couple of years, and then Gillard comes along and takes more money from the punters’ pockets, just as the store’s gearing up for the pre/mid/post/all season sale period. Doesn’t this government understand a thing about business?

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It doesn’t matter that you still can’t get served in ‘‘My Store’’, or that three out of the four female change rooms are barricaded closed. Or that when you try to buy something, you stand in a queue long enough to overhear who’s going on their break now, next or never.

I really admire Bernie’s style though, because none of the so-called service assistants in Myer actually work for Myer, so you know, you can’t really complain about MYER’s service. Approaching an ironically named Service Desk clutching an item and asking if it can be found in another size, a customer can expect the following exchange: “Hi. Do you have this in a size X?” Exasperated sigh. “I don’t work for Myer. You’ll have to find a Myer Person. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to refold some jumpers..."

The mystical Myer People are somewhat difficult to come by. And when you do find one and want to return something, they speak in a new language. “That’s a Concession Item.”
“Eh?”
“I don’t work for [Brand]. You’ll have to find a [Brand] Person to put it through.”

Bernie has developed a service strategy that is so convoluted and ineffective he really should get into gaming, because anyone who can design a sales approach where the ‘‘outcome’’ (i.e. a sale) is so elusive would make a killing. Can you imagine? “Holy heck! I just made it to Level 4 (Menswear and luggage) and I’ve picked up 64 Myer One points in the Champagne Bar! The attitude at the merchandise counters nearly killed me, bro!”

I’ve often marvelled at Bernie’s training program, which obviously features a strong emphasis on resilience, because I’ve never come across staff so immune to the irritations of an incessantly ringing phone.

And by the way, what the hell is going to happen to my Myer One Rewards points? Has the government even factored this aspect of the foregone ‘‘reinvestment’’ of my diverted purchase into the equation? I, like so many other Australians, rely on this little piece of plastic money arriving periodically in my mailbox to offset the frustration I have at buying from Myer.

I call it Bernie’s Direct Action response to shockingly underesourced service. If I’m holding that little baby in my hand, it makes it that much easier to stand in a queue with 10 other women clutching clothes that I wait to try on in change rooms strewn with other people’s discarded items.

On current calculations, I would have netted about 245,000 Myer One points for my $350 pants suit, plus a free copy of Emporium magazine. And if the government gets its way and Gillard obtains some ‘‘legacy’’ for her administration, I’m expected to divert this hard-earned into… what, exactly? A scheme designed to help people who are in wheelchairs, who got there because they were born that way or suffered some terrible, non-compensable injury or illness? Give me a break!

Bernie, I’m with you all the way. The sooner we knock down this pesky blip on your profit projections, the better. And we can all get back to doing what we love – shopping in your (My) magnificent store.

Turning a wrecking ball into a land of hope and dreams

The Boss crowd surfing at Rod Laver. Spot him?

It was hard to attend the Bruce Springsteen concert this week without thinking about Wayne Swan. That really did almost kill the mood for me as I walked into a sold-out Rod Laver Arena. Swan penned an infamous essay in The Monthly last year attributing The Boss the dubious honour of having inspired Swan’s politics – something about battlers and Rineharts and Palmers and a mining tax that’s proved to be anything but taxing.

Confronted last week by a journo about his biggest political fan, Springsteen seemed bemused at the suggestion that our Treasurer would build a fiscal policy platform based on   his music. 
“I’m not great with money,” he chuckled.

But listening to Springsteen’s latest album and the title of his current tour, Wrecking Ball, something began to dawn on me. Forget all the old, angsty Darkness on the Edge of Town stuff. It feels like Swan and Julia Gillard may have been sharing a couple of beers and an air guitar while listening to the tracks on this latest album and using them as inspiration.

While Tony Abbott has had an extreme personality makeover, which pretty much involves him saying absolutely nothing while keeping his blue “I’m a decent bloke, trust me” ties on high rotation, Gillard seems to be recasting herself from the object of his misogyny to a “tough, feisty bastard”. When she blurted, “Take your best shot” across the Parliamentary table last week, we all assumed she’d been listening to Pat Benatar to channel the new “feistiness”. But actually, it’s Springsteen who’s her inspiration with his title-track lyrics:

Through the mud and the beer, and the blood and the cheers,

I've seen champions control freak PMs come and go

So if you got the guts mister, yeah if you've got the balls

If you think it's your time, then step to the line, and bring on your wrecking ball

Bring on your wrecking ball

Come on and take your best shot, let me see what you’ve got

It’s there! Right there!  And now with all the pesky business of the challenge that wasn’t over, Swan and Gillard are gearing up to move to track 10 – a soaring belter of a tune called “The Land of Hope and Dreams”. No doubt this was piped through the Canberra halls as she sat down to pick through the remaining loyalists to assemble her new team. The synergies couldn’t be more compelling, with the lyrics:

Grab your ticket and your suitcase

Thunder's Electoral annihilation’s rolling down the tracks

You don't know where you're goin'

But you know you won't be back [To Kevin. Like. Ever.]

Darlin' if you're weary

Lay your head upon my chest

We'll take what who we can carry

And we'll leave the rest [To rot on the backbenches]  

So it’s all aboard the train bound for the promised land – a place where the sunlight streams – presumably an imagined world six months from here where Gillard and Swan will rein supreme over adversity and “faith will be rewarded”.

Swan will be singing sweet nothings into Gillard’s ear, channeling his muse:

Well I will provide for you

Ya and I'll stand by your side

You'll need a good companion now

For this part of your ride

Ya leave behind your sorrows

Ya this day at last [He’s dead! Kev said never again!]

Well tomorrow there'll be sunshine

And all this darkness past

And while the Rudd agitators have been shoved off at the last station, the train’s carriages are flung open to all other people – saints and sinners, losers and winners, whores and gamblers and lost souls, which pretty much offers forgiveness for all other transgressions (take note Craig Thomson!).

So while the Labor gentry shake their heads forlornly at the decaying carcass they see before them and are probably downing cheap bourbon to Springsteen’s wretched “This Depression” or “Swallowed Up (in the Belly of the Whale”), Jules and Swannie are singing obliviously along to “You’ve Got It”:

You've got it in your bones and blood

You're real [Julia] as real ever was

Baby you've got it

And as the ‘Wrecking Ball’ riff continues, Gillard and Swan will be clinging to its repeating lyric: hard times come, hard times go. They’ll just be hoping for no more “unseemly” derailments.

2013: What the Year of the Snake means for Abbott and Gillard

This week heralds the beginning of the Year of the Black Water Snake in the Chinese zodiac. Given that China is our new BFF due to single-handedly digging Australia (and all our mineral reserves) out of the GFC, it seems appropriate to examine how the reptilian character from the ancient zodiac may influence the behaviour of our pollies and this election year.

Clearly, both Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott have been boning up on their Chinese astrology, which describes the Snake as a calm, gentle creature that will only attack if under threat or hungry. Julia has donned a quieter, more deliberately pitched tone in her voice. And the glasses?  Obviously, they’re a nod to the Year of the Black Water Snake being ideal for “steady progress and attention to detail.” The new specs will no doubt help her to keep an eagle eye on those pesky Rudd agitators. Forget Kevin ’07. Gillard’s got this year’s mantra sorted and it goes something like: “Kev’s a Has-Been in 2013”. Ok, it doesn’t rhyme as well, but it fits the bill for being on-message.

Meanwhile in the off-season, the Opposition has clearly been undertaking some high intensity training, which for their sakes, I hope didn’t involve the use of peptides or human growth hormones. Another portent of the Snake is “focus and discipline will be necessary for you to achieve what you set out to create”. Malcolm Turnbull led the way – as most Australians wish he’d get the chance to do for us all – with a trip to a Chinese doctor (you getting the synergies here?). A few herbal concoctions and a fasting regime later, saw him emerge trim, shiny-eyed and bushy tailed.

That route proved a bit drastic and well, just too much like hard work for jolly ol’ Joe Hockey, who opted for the gastric band, which means he can still chow down on a hamburger, as long as he throws it in the mincer first. And it looks like Julie Bishop’s been lending the boys some of her tan-in-a-can, because the entire front bench looks like they spend cabinet meetings sunbaking on the back of Gina Rinehart’s yacht.

But of course, Tony Abbott has had the greatest metamorphosis of all. There’s the unrelenting wearing of the pale blue tie to perfectly accent the “I’m a Good Bloke, trust me” informal tag line. And it does look suspiciously as though he’s taken a few tips from the PM’s hairdresser and partner, Tim Mathieson and rinsed the grey edges from his crop. His catch cry morphs to “I’m a good bloke, I help out the Nippers and look! I’m A New Age Guy not afraid to colour his hair, heh heh heh!”

But the Year of the Snake emphasises the need to be on the defence. No bold moves unless provoked. Which is probably why Abbott has decided to pull the plug on his regular TV appearances. Everyone knows that this is his election to lose, and you lose unlosable elections by stuffing up. So it makes sense that his team would be micro-managing his appearances within an inch of his life so he can avoid the inevitable gaffes that the ALP is holding its breath for him to make. He’s going to stay in the long grass, watching while his frontbenchers stick their necks out. They’ll bat away at the Government and let him hibernate. Sure, he’ll plant a few cold kisses on babies’ cheeks, wave a few ‘vision things’ around and keep wearing the blue ties, but there will be a lot less of him hustling from the sidelines. His self-talk is likely to be, “When in doubt, wheel Hockey/Turnbull/Bishop out’ to face the media scrum.

For Gillard, this poses a challenge: how to lure the snake out of the grass long enough for him to be exposed and vulnerable to a gaffe of misogynistic proportions?  Pretty difficult, especially when he’s dimmed the lights in the gladiator dome of breakfast television. But he’s not her only worry. According to some Chinese astrologers, 2013 will see “fire in the water” (although “fire in the hole” is perhaps a more apt description regarding the Craig Thompson effect on the ALP).

Interestingly, 2012 was the Chinese year of the Dragon; renowned by being dramatic, full of lavish and unpredictable events. As our politicians shed their damaged skins from a turbulent, aggressive and largely unproductive 2012, it will be fascinating to watch who emerges victorious in a year when cunning, intellect and quiet, steady progress is favoured to bode well.